Today, I’m picking up from where I left off in the last article on the 4 Faces of Burnout. We’re staying in the realm of misalignment burnout—but this time, digging a bit deeper into the maladaptive behaviours we often adopt when we find ourselves walking paths that were never truly ours to begin with.
Remember what we explored about misalignment burnout—how life seems to hold a path uniquely shaped for each of us, yet for all kinds of reasons, we veer away from it. And often, in the moment, those reasons seem valid. They might even feel like the right or responsible choice at the time.
But here we are—years down the road—still on that path, exhausted and worn down, maybe even a little scraped and bruised. Sometimes, we’ve been on it so long we forget that it was never really ours. We become so far removed from who we really are that it’s hard to recognize what we’ve become… or worse, we’ve learned to justify the disconnect.
What I want to talk about today are the maladaptive behaviours—or, to keep it simple, the patterns—that we develop in this state of misalignment. These patterns usually start as useful tools. They help us cope, protect, soothe, or meet our needs in the only way we know how at the time. They served then. But over time, they become disruptive, draining, and even damaging.
They keep us stuck. They deepen our exhaustion. They contribute to the burnout that so desperately needs our attention—and our realignment.
Let’s take a closer look at how these patterns show up.
- Overcommitting: Saying yes when you really mean no. This often overlaps with people-pleasing—prioritizing others at the cost of bypassing yourself.
- The Overthinker: Ruminating on the past, obsessing over the future, or getting trapped in “analysis paralysis.” Here, thinking hijacks action.
- The Overrider: Pushing past your body’s signals. Remember the story I shared about my own burnout as a chef? That was a classic example. Your body, your mind—even your soul—send messages. And you override them.
- The Disconnected Dreamer: Adrift and unanchored, you’ve lost touch with meaning and purpose. You dream, imagine, even plan—but never act. Inaction becomes the pattern.
These are just a few of the patterns I’ll be exploring more deeply in the next pieces. If you see yourself in any of these already, know this: there’s nothing “wrong” with you. These patterns were learned for a reason—and that means they can be unlearned too.
Recognizing the patterns or behaviours we’ve adopted—especially the ones that no longer serve us—is the first real step toward change.
The patterns I’m sharing here aren’t the only maladaptive behaviours that can show up in burnout, but they are some of the most common. My hope is that by exploring these, you’ll start to recognize aspects of your own experience—maybe even name a pattern you’ve unknowingly adapted to.
Let’s take a closer look at each one.
The Overcommitter
The Overcommitter says yes when every part of them is screaming no. This pattern often forms from a deep desire to be helpful, responsible, or liked—but underneath it lies a fear of disappointing others or being perceived as selfish.
I remember listening to Marshall Rosenberg talk about the difference between self-full-ness and self-less-ness. He said we should never say yes to something unless we’re doing it from a place of self-fullness—where meeting the request feels nourishing or aligned, rather than selflessness, where we agree to something that leaves us feeling depleted.
Anyways, what I am saying is that being an overcommitter is not just about having a packed calendar. It’s about habitually putting others’ needs ahead of your own, often at the expense of your time, energy, and well-being.
You may tell yourself, “It’s just one more thing,” or “They really need me,” even as your body grows more tired and your spirit more resentful.
Overcommitting can look like being everyone’s go-to, handling things no one asked you to, or simply not giving yourself permission to rest.
And over time, you don’t just burn out—you fade out. Your own goals, needs, and desires get pushed so far down they start to feel like luxuries rather than necessities.
There comes a time when being the overcommitter has to stop and choosing you has to start.
The Overthinker
The Overthinker lives in the mind—constantly analyzing, ruminating, second-guessing. Whether it’s dwelling on the past or spiralling about the future, this pattern hijacks action and replaces it with mental spinning.
At first, it might feel productive—like you’re being careful or responsible. But too much thinking becomes a trap.
You might replay conversations, obsess over decisions, or endlessly plan without ever moving forward.
This pattern often comes from a fear of making the wrong move. You know fear of failure or fear of rejection. The brain tries to protect you with information, logic, and control—but instead, it paralyzes you or it leads to an action that really wasn’t what you wanted.
The result? Exhaustion from thinking about doing rather than doing. OR the cleaning up of the doing that was destructive.
And the most painful part is knowing exactly what you want to do—but feeling stuck in the “what ifs” and “not yets.”
The Overrider
The Overrider is the one who keeps going—no matter what.
Your body whispers… then it shouts. Your emotions tug at you. Your energy crashes. But you override every signal. You push through, disconnect from your needs, and pride yourself on your ability to carry on.
At some point, this pattern may have been a survival skill. Maybe you didn’t have the luxury of stopping, resting, or feeling. But over time, pushing through becomes a way of life. And the cost is high.
You might ignore signs of stress, suppress emotions, or numb out completely. You become so good at coping that you forget what thriving feels like.
Eventually, the body forces a pause—through illness, breakdown, or sheer burnout.
Because the truth is: we’re not meant to override ourselves. We’re meant to listen.
The Disconnected Dreamer
In this pattern, you’ve lost touch with your sense of meaning and purpose. You feel adrift—going through the motions each day, knowing deep down that what you’re doing isn’t aligned with who you really are.
At first glance, this pattern might not seem like it includes a clear maladaptive behaviour. But that’s exactly the point: inaction becomes the behaviour. Despite feeling the disconnection, you stay put. You avoid. You override the signals—not unlike the Overrider—but instead of pushing through, you shut down.
The Disconnected Dreamer often talks, imagines, even makes plans… but rarely takes action. And usually, that inaction is rooted in fear:
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of failure.
Fear of success.
Fear of disappointing others—or yourself.
And then come the nay-sayers. The voices that tell you what you can and can’t do, what you’re good enough for, or not. Sometimes they’re external. But often? They’re internal.
You know the voice.
The one that says:
“I can’t because…”
“It wouldn’t work because…”
“Yeah, but…”
That voice that reminds you how risky it is to try something new, how little time you have, how much things cost, or how many reasons there are to just… not.
Sound familiar?
So… now what?
Maybe you’ve taken the burnout assessment. Maybe you’ve recognized yourself in one or more of the patterns we just explored. Now you’re wondering: how do I actually start to shift this?
Well, let’s start with what may seem obvious.
And I know—it’s not lost on me that you’re reading this on a platform where “3 easy steps to change your life” headlines are everywhere. But this? This work runs deeper than that. It’s not about just doing what someone said on social media. It’s about real change—and that starts by naming it.
Step 1: Identify the unhelpful pattern—and its opposite
Yes, it can be that simple to start. Whatever the pattern is, get clear on the alternative behaviour that would serve you better.
- The Overcommitter needs to begin saying no. To set boundaries. To learn where they end and others begin—and to place themselves higher on their own priority list.
- The Overrider needs to start listening to their body. To slow down. To practice mindfulness, rest, and true self-attunement.
- The Overthinker needs to recognize when they’re spinning in the past or spiraling into the future—and gently come back to the present moment.
- The Disconnected Dreamer needs to reconnect to meaning and purpose. To take imperfect action. To dare to fail forward, instead of staying stuck in imagined plans.
So yes—step one is naming what needs to change. But step two? That’s the work that goes much deeper.
Step 2: Explore the belief behind the behaviour
Every pattern you’ve developed—every way you’ve coped—was likely rooted in a belief.
A belief about who you are.
What you’re worth.
What’s possible for you.
What others expect of you.
We call these limiting beliefs. And while they may have served a purpose at one point, they’re often the reason the pattern exists in the first place.
Working with a trained counsellor or coach can help uncover and shift those beliefs.
But I also know not everyone has access to that kind of support right away—whether it’s due to time, finances, or just not feeling ready.
Step 3: Realign with your core values
One powerful thing you can do on your own is get crystal clear on your core values. And I mean your values—not the ones you inherited, were taught, or assumed you “should” have.
Values are like internal guideposts.
They help us navigate our path—and more importantly, help us find our way back when we’ve veered off course.
Remember when I talked about misalignment burnout as walking a path that isn’t truly yours? Think of your values as the beacons that light the way back home.
Your values are deeply personal. For some people, it’s honesty, loyalty, or security. For others, it’s freedom, creativity, or authenticity. For me, it’s always been family, integrity, inspiration—and a little bit of magic.
When you know your values, decisions become clearer.
Priorities become simpler.
Alignment becomes possible.
And when your path crosses with others—when your journey overlaps, merges, or runs parallel—knowing your values helps you stay grounded in your truth, even as you walk beside someone else.
Real change isn’t instant—but it is possible
To recover from misalignment burnout and shift the patterns that are draining you, here’s the short version:
- Name the maladaptive/unwanted behaviour
- Articulate the alternative/desired behaviour
- Realign with/discover your core values
- (Optional but powerful) Uncover and shift the limiting beliefs underneath—with the support of a trained coach or counsellor if and when you’re ready
Above all, remember this:
There is hope.
The process might be messy. It does take effort. But if you’re ready, real change is possible.
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