The Beliefs Beneath the Mindset: A Reflection on Self-Understanding
What are beliefs? A simple Google search reveals a definition of belief as the acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists; something one accepts as true or real — a firmly held opinion or conviction. In other words, beliefs are ideas we hold to be absolute. A core belief is something held deeply and is what influences our views of ourselves, others, and the world.
To some degree or another, we all have beliefs. Some of us are aware of them, but many of us are not. Yet we can see the results of our beliefs in the way we interact with others, the way we talk to ourselves, and the way we react to the world at large.
We’ve talked about mindset in previous articles. In today’s article, I want to talk about how underneath the mindset is typically a governing belief.
If you are open to it, I’d like to invite you into a quick reflection exercise — shall we?
Take a moment to consider these three prompts. Dismiss any qualifying or judgment of your responses; this is for you and you alone.
First: What I believe about the world is…
Try to keep your response simple. Try not to overthink it — just write whatever initial response comes forward.
Next: What I believe about others is…
And: What I believe about myself is…
Take a moment with your responses and see if you can come up with a general summary of what your answers reveal about what you believe.
The idea of an exercise like this is to start shining a light — to bring awareness to how you might see yourself, others, and the world. And to determine how limiting beliefs may be inhibiting you from becoming the version of yourself you’ve always wanted.
For example, if you believe the world is a kind place full of wonder, you may be more likely to seek out new relationships, adventure and maybe even see difficulties as welcomed challenges. However, if you believe the world and others are dangerous or not to be trusted, you may be more likely to take on a protective approach — avoiding others, fearing change, and so on.
A mindset that sees opportunity and growth is often the result of a healthier set of core beliefs, whereas a more fixed or negative mindset is often supported by what are called limiting beliefs. Both sets of beliefs are often established early in life.
The reality is that most of us adopt unhelpful limiting beliefs early on as a result of a need for protection. From a young age, we may learn that we need to keep quiet to stay safe or, conversely, that we need to scream and shout to be heard. Both suggest that you may not be worth listening to or that your voice doesn’t matter. So, you may choose to keep quiet or become loud in order to be heard. This is just one example, but there are many ways we learn to fit in, get along, or simply stay safe — patterns that, as we become older, no longer serve us.
The precious years of adolescence are when we are meant to branch out — to discover our own independence, beliefs, and values. Unfortunately, for so many of us, we were held back, considered rebellious, or punished, preventing us from expanding and finding out who we were meant to be. Then we become adults and discover through our own disruptive behaviours that we are lost, unsure, and reliant on protective-based beliefs.
Don’t get me wrong — this is not a “dump on mom and dad” piece. Although I often joke that all roads lead to Mom, the truth is the same is true for our parents. If you zoomed out far enough, you’d see that generation after generation, kids blamed parents for installing unhelpful limiting beliefs.
The truth is, our parents were always doing what they thought was best based on their own limiting beliefs. Our job now is to discover for ourselves what serves us and what doesn’t, and make whatever changes we can.
The first step is, yes, recognizing from your childhood what beliefs you picked up as a result of your upbringing and early life experiences — for better or worse. From there, seek to understand how they no longer serve the version of you that you are trying to become. Also consider what has served you up until now — including what may still serve — so that you may decide what needs to change and what can be integrated along your journey of self-discovery.
Right, so how do we do that?!
This is something that can be done on your own, but I do recommend doing this work with a qualified coach or counsellor. Simply put, the discovery and dismantling of limiting beliefs is no simple feat. The most impactful results come from unpacking and understanding how far back the beliefs go, which can be truly deep and heavy work.
With that said, the most direct way to uncover a limiting belief is to first recall a moment where you felt activated — where you felt strong emotional distress. Get clear on the event. For example, someone bailed on plans with you. Name the emotion that was present when that happened — e.g., anger.
Once you name the emotion, ask yourself:
“What caused that emotion? What was I angry about?”
From there, ask yourself the deeper question:
“What does it mean about me when someone bails on me?”
This will often lead to an “I am” statement, such as:
I am not likable.
I am unlovable.
I am not important.
This will be your limiting belief.
From there — and this is where the deeper work begins — explore how far back that kind of thinking goes. This exploration usually uncovers a time, environment, or group of people that are no longer an influence or, at the very least, do not have a say in your current situation.
Once you see that, you can challenge how the limiting belief is impacting the present moment. You can challenge it by asking:
“What are all the other reasons they might have bailed that have nothing to do with me — reasons that don’t stem from my own self-worth but are more likely about them?”
Naming the emotion helps us understand what we felt was “done to us.”
Asking “What does it mean about me?” helps us understand what we believe was done to us.
This is the re-evoking of the limiting belief — the “I am” statement.
Identifying the active limiting belief allows us to challenge it and choose an alternate response.
Here are the steps simplified into a tool:
- Identify an event/situation with a strong emotion that you experienced recently.
- Identify the emotion and write a sentence about it: “I was angry when…”
- Ask yourself: “In that situation, what was I angry about?”
- Answer the question: “I was angry because Steve bailed on me.”
- Ask yourself: “What does it mean about me if someone bails on me?”
- Note your answer — it may start with “I am…” or be something like “They don’t care about me.”
- Repeat step 5 until your answer lands on something deeper — usually an “I am” statement.
- Challenge the belief:
- Examine the evidence.
- Consider all the other possibilities.
- Ask: “If I assumed the best of myself, what else might be true?”
Once again, this journey is often best done with a professional. If you are choosing to do it on your own, remember to leave room for care and compassion. Offer grace and kindness for what your past self had not yet learned.
Mistakes will happen. Challenges may become overwhelming. It’s not about getting it right every time — it’s about growing from the challenges and the missteps.
Dare to mess it up.
Dare to fail forward.
And remember: you don’t have to do it alone.
Until next time, ciao!
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